Christe Eleison
by Koffin Kink
Summary: AU. Light tells L about his past. Warning: Physical and hints of sexual child abuse. R&R.


There are four people here, Light, Soichiro, L, and Sayu.

Light will be** bold**.

Sayu will be normal text, cuz she ain't pimp enough.

Soichiro will be underline.

L is also plain text at the end, once everything is not indented.

Get it, got it, good.

Disclaimer: Blahblahdon'townblah

* * *

(Big brother? Can you help me study?)

_Oh little sister, you were such a smart girl. I wanted to help you, I truly did, but I'm afraid I had a Science project to work on. You know teachers, ruthless. All authority figures were ruthless, I learned that a long time ago. Perhaps it is time for you to learn, sister. Please, don't looks so sad as you leave my room; put a smile on your face. Father loves it when you smile, Sayu. He said it makes him happy. You want Father happy, don't you?_

(**...I-I can't, little sister. I'm busy.**)

_You were ten and I was thirteen. To me, you were nothing but an annoying little sister. Don't get me wrong, sister. I loved you. But as a teenager, I was more interested in my own problems, in becoming the best than in you. You, who needed my help. I was so stupid, I should have helped you. Then you wouldn't have flunked that test. Then you wouldn't have made Father angry. Then he wouldn't have... Please, Sayu... You have to believe me, if I could turn back the clock I would. I'd do anything to keep that from happening._

(Sayu, what did I tell you would happen if you fail?)

(D-Daddy, I didn't mean to- no Daddy, no-!)

_What is it that he does to you, to make you scream so? He always made me listen; I would sit on the floor beside he closed bedroom door and listen to the quiet sobbing, the hits and smacks, before everything went silent. So what did he do to you, sister? I began to notice that he never bruised your face. That's good...you were so pretty. Especially when you smiled. Smile for Father, sissy. Smile for him. But you weren't smiling, you were crying and sobbing and clinging to his shirt and begging to everything you knew to be right for him to not- not what? Whatever it was, I felt a desire to help you._

(**...Dad? It wasn't Sayu's fault. I didn't help her study.**)

_Stupid. A stupid mistake. Because Father decided that if I couldn't keep my mouth shut, then I would have to learn. When he told you to go to your room and for me to take my shirt off, I was calm. He liked to see the bruises he made; when he told me to turn around, I was still calm. He like to beat our backs, where we were more sturdy and the beating hurt that much more. It wasn't until I heard him undoing his belt did I begin to panic. Of the years that this had been going on, he had never used on object other than his hands or feet to hurt us._

(I'm sorry, son. This is for your own good. Yagami do not fail.)

_What did he plan on- and then I screamed, my back cruved and my spine stodd out against tight flesh as something hard and cold his my back with enough force to break skin. He was whipping me, beating me with the buckle of his belt, so quickly I couldn't even catch my breath- I was suffocating on pain. But I didn't cry- that was the cardinal rule. You do not cry when Father hurts you, because Yagami do not fail. Tears are showing weakness. So I stood there until I fell to my knees, then eventually fell to the floor, blood running down my back and trying so hard to keep the tears from falling._

(**Dad... Dad it hurts...stop...**)

_But you know what? When Father was done, and he kneeled beside me and called me a man, ruffled my hair... I smiled. Because Dad loves it when his children smile. It means he didn't fail. Yes, I had learned my lesson. I was happy, Dad, can't you see? Dad, please, I learned my lesson, what are you doing? I realized I was going to get the same punishment as Sayu always got. Curiosity killed the cat; or in this case, traumatized the cat forever. Because now I know. I know exactly what Sayu was forced to do._

(I'm sorry, son, but you've got to learn.)

**"But I just smiled."**

"..." A sigh.

**"Doctor Lawliet, why do you look so grim? Why don't you smile? Smile for me."** A grin.

"I have observed you and I can come to one and only one conclusion. You are insane."

A chuckle, verging on hysteria. **"You're wrong. Insane people...they are crazy. Crazy! I am not insane...I am unsane. Unsane people are harder the spot...they look just like me and you- in fact, they are me and you, and everyone else. Unsane people crave one thing, and that is something to make them happy; they crave so hard, their sanity unravels. For some, it's money. For others, it's love. For me..."** Another grin.

"For you, Yagami?"

**"For me...well, let's see a smile on that pretty face."**

_Christ, have mercy on me, for I have sinned. I'm sorry, sister, I couldn't save you in the end._


End file.
